This is why I've been telling everyone who looks concerned that Paige and I are ok even though we're homeless.

It is true, as some of you have heard, that Paige and I have been technically homeless for the past week now. I say technically because the past week of homelessness has been spent with relatively uninterrupted internet access in various hotels throughout Salt Lake Valley. Oh, except for that one night we spent in our car.

"Sure I think I'll be good and panhandling, how hard can it be?"

We were finally able to move out of the Cave of Wonders that was our first apartment; something I've been begging Paige to let us do for the past year. It was a horrible place. Keystone Real Estate aka Stone Properties is taking terrific advantage of BYU's fascist housing policies (you have to live within a 2-mile radius if you're unlucky enough to not be married and therefore not "grown up", if that isn't motivation to get married, I don't know what is). In fact, if some of the conversations I overheard from various students in their rental office are anything to go by, we had one of the more mild experiences, but where spunky, single college dudes take living in rotting crap-holes as an adventure of higher education, I'm just tired of it and spoiled by reading architecture and design magazines so Keystone Real Estate can just go right to hell.

At the end of the day, Paige threw down with Big Man Stone himself and was snuffed as, of course, like a true realtor, he took our complaints as personal and started vomitting threats like some kind of precious, vomitting snowflake. Seriously, realtors, you are all huge morons. You wouldn't have to sell your honor and your souls over matters of $100 by screwing over broke college students if you would all just get real jobs. I promise.

Anyway, this throwdown led naturally to a whirlwind move out where I stressed about holes in the wall and replaced all of our nice, inviting fixtures with all of their old rusted out ones and Paige cleaned that place like a fiend that cleans a lot. I then photographed everything several times.

"This stuff is harder than it looks."

That first night we were out of our place, we were so excited to actually be taking action other than creating budgets and spreadsheets, we found ourselves literally homeless as the night hours rolled around. We have some friends who offered their couches and foutons, but none of them worked out for that night, so we settled on Kiwanis Park's parking lot, just east of campus. This leads me to another sidebar: Provo cops must really, truly be insanely bored. We were woken up just an hour after parking by a copper who told us "the park was closed" and then proceeded to walk the parking lot looking for racoons or magical unicorns to shoo away or something. We drove 500 feet out of the parking lot and parked next to the field and went back to sleep. BYU's PE facilities provided us with showers the next morning, and we were good. I even shaved in the hallway and got laughed at by some Asian girl who undoubtedly thought I was refused a PE wristband because I had too much scruff. BYU is weird.

After that first night, though, we've just been hopping around, living out of a few suitcases, 2 of which we'll be taking to Russia. Carry-ons. No checked baggage. I'll have to post a run-down of our gear once we get everything together and I can get pictures. I'm pretty impressed.

Paige's parents have been in town, and they grabbed a Hampton Inn room with 2 beds, so it's been 3 or so nights with the in-laws for me. I'll tell ya, I could definitely have fared a whole lot worse in the in-laws department. One of the nights was also our anniversary, and we sprang for a nice hotel in Salt Lake and a Sunday Brunch. In my mind, I've been on vacation since we moved out.

I'm shocked to find myself homeless on the mean streets of Salt Lake City

Today was my last day at work, so now I'm officially homeless AND unemployed. Tomorrow brings some smaller adventures, and then we embark Thursday the 7th at roughly 6pm local time for a 10-hour layover in New York City, a week in Ukraine, and 3 whole bloody months in Moscow. Holy crap, what have I gotten myself into...

A few random pictures of our week of technical homelessness are in my flickr feed below.